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4 Do's and Don'ts to Help Your Grieving Child

Admin • Jan 29, 2020
If your child is experiencing sorrow over a personal loss, the grief may disrupt his or her life. Grief is often difficult for a child to handle, and it may manifest as health problems, both emotionally and physically. There are ways you can help your child over this difficult time. Consider the following do's and don'ts to help your grieving child. 

1. DO Recognize the Signs of Grief in a Child 

Young child often have trouble expressing emotions such as profound grief. Some children hide their feelings of grief until it manifests into outward signs of anger, rebellion or withdrawal. Before you can help your child over this time, you must recognize the signs of grief. Here is what to look for. 

  • Difficulty Concentrating: Whether it is at school or at home, some grieving children can't keep a level of concentration. He or she may seem distracted when studying or listening. The child may seem to display a faraway look or cannot stick to one task for a long period of time.Maybe he or she does not finish his assignments or chores. Schoolwork may begin to suffer with falling grades. 
  • Aggressive, Angry or Defiant Behavior: Has your child been having disciplinary issues of late? Acting up at home or school or picking fights with others could be another sign of grief in a child.   
  • Nightmares or an Inability to Sleep: If your child has begun to have sleep disturbances, bad dreams or simply cannot sleep through the night, grief may be the reason why. Some younger children or toddlers may insist on sleeping in their parents' bed, in order to be close to Mommy and Daddy. 

Any of the above could indicate grief in a child. If you note these changes in your child, it may be time to intervene. 

2. DON'T Cover Up the Truth 

Fibbing to a child about the death of a loved one might make matters worse. Don't tell the child the deceased has simply gone away. It is important for the child to have closure and realize the person (or beloved pet) is not coming back. Try to be as honest as possible about the loss. 

While you don't need to provide explicit details about death, you should try to make the child understand that it is permanent. It may help if you read books together about loss and the grieving process. 

3. DO Encourage Your Child to Open Up and Talk  

If your older child is able to understand the reality of death and is experiencing sadness or depression, it may help if he or she talks about their feelings. Sit your child down and try to encourage the child to discuss his or her feelings. Sometimes all that is needed is a sympathetic ear and a need to vent out frustration, anger or sadness. 

Keeping emotions bottled up may make matters worse in the long run. Let your child know you are there for him or her and will listen without passing judgment, if and when they are ready to discuss their feelings. In addition, speak to your child about your own feelings on the subject. 

4. DON'T Dismiss or Downplay Your Child's Feelings  

When your child tells you he or she is frightened or worried about losing mommy or daddy, don't dismiss these feelings. Telling your child that feeling scared is silly or that big kids don't feel that way may be harmful. Instead, let your child know that feeling that way is normal and healthy. 

Think of ways to calm your child's fears without belittling his or her feelings. Some children feeling better if they can participate in a memorial service to honor their departed loved one. 

If your child is not coping with loss, seek professional counseling at a mental health clinic.  
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